Barry Scott: The Sitcom

So despite not having seen a Cillit Bang advert in years, since they’ve dropped him I’ve been slightly obsessed with Barry Scott.

I really want to write a kind of absurdist sitcom about a shunned, bitter Scott. Similar in tone to this fantastic Vice article, though without the conceit of the lines having become blurred between character and actor.

It’d basically be a two joke series.

  • Barry Scott is not a realistic person, and his lack of indoor voice was well explored comic territory in his heyday too. However, here he is placed not in the shiny world of his commercials but in a realistic one, and the resultant crippling loneliness is hilarious.
  • Since his firing, Barry hates Cillit Bang, but keeps encountering it in increasingly contrived and absurd ways.

Some example scenes:

  • Barry needs to render someone unconscious, and either cannot find chloroform and must use Cillit Bang, or quickly grabs a bottle of something and uses it only to discover it is Cillit Bang
  • Barry, either purposefully or inadvertently, kills someone. The only cleaning supplies he can find to cover this up are various Cillit Bang products, perhaps ultimately up to dissolving the body. Bang, and the evidence is gone.


Not entirely sure where I was going with this, just wanted to get it out my brain.


Science fights Giant Enemy Crab


So I recently had an article featured on user-submitted satirical website Newsbiscuit, after the title of this Guardian article tickled me.

The article I originally submitted was full length (<400 words), and appeared on the site edited ¬†to fit their <200 category, a tussle with a crab hardly being frontpage news, as well as being heavily tweaked (rightly) to better fit the site’s tone and to be more accessible to anyone less familiar with the subject matter.

Anyway, thought I might as well stick the full original up here, I’m reasonably happy with it:

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